PM Articles > Alan S. Koch > Process Genesis*

Process Genesis*

Chapter 2 of 2 -- In the Department of Eden

Last time, we recited Process Genesis Chapter 1, Creation. This time, we continue with Chapter 2, and recite the story of the first Process Owner, Manager, and Auditor.

Process Owner and Process Manager

The Lord God hired a man and assigned him the Role of Process Owner, and the man took on that Role.

Now the Lord God had planted a department in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had hired. And the Lord God made all kinds of activities grow out of the ground -- activities that were pleasing to the mind and good to do. In the middle of the department were the activity of Resourcing and the activity of Doing Things in Other Ways.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Department to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to do any activity in the department; but you must not do the activity of Doing Things in Other Ways, for when you do it your process will surely die."

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the Process Owner to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Now the Lord God had hired all the employees of the company and all the contractors. He brought them to the Process Owner to see what he would name them; and whatever the Process Owner called each worker, that was its title. So the Process Owner gave titles to all the workers, the employees of the company and all the contractors.

But for the Process Owner no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took some of the Process Owner responsibilities and closed up the place with oversight. Then the Lord God made a new Role from the responsibilities he had taken out of the Process Owner, and he brought her to the man.

The Process Owner said, "This is now planner of my plans and leader of my workers; she shall be called 'Process Manager' for she will manage my Process." For this reason a Process Owner will remove some of his Responsibilities and delegate them to his Process Manager, and they will become one team.

The Process Owner and his Process Manager were both politically vulnerable, and they felt no fear.

Process Auditors

Now the Team Lead was more crafty than any of the workers the Lord God had hired. He said to the Process Manager, "Did God really say, 'You must not do any activity in the department?"

The Process Manager said to the Team Lead, "We may do the activities in the department, but God did say, 'You must not do the activity that is in the middle of the department, and you must not touch it, or your process will die.'"

"Your process will not surely die," the Team Lead said to the Process Manager. "For God knows that when you do it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, capable of Doing Things in Other Ways."

When the Process Manager saw that the activity was good for doing and pleasing to the mind, and also desirable for Doing Things in Other Ways, she did it. She also told her Process Owner, who was with her, and he did it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were politically vulnerable; so they formed a committee to cover themselves.

Then the Process Owner and Manager heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the department in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the activities of the department. But the Lord God called to the Process Owner, "Where are you?"

He answered, "I heard you in the department, and I was afraid because I was politically vulnerable; so I hid."

And he said, "Who told you that you were politically vulnerable? Have you done the activity that I commanded you not to do?"

The man said, "The Manager you put here with me -- she told me about it, and I did it."

Then the Lord God said to the Manager, "What is this you have done?"

The Manager said, "The Team Lead deceived me, and I did it."

So the Lord God said to the Team Lead, "Because you have done this; Cursed are you above all the employees and all the contractors! You will serve on committees and you will make presentations all the hours of your day. And I will put enmity between you and the Manager, and between your successors and hers; he will crush your motivation, and you will strike his productivity."

To the Manager he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in leadership; with pain you will lead your workers. Your duty will be for your Process Owner, and he will rule over you."

To the Process Owner he said, "Because you listened to your Manager and did the activity about which I commanded you, 'You must not do it;' Cursed is the Process because of you; through painful toil you will oversee it all the hours of your day. It will produce errors and defects for you, and you will have to answer to Process Auditors. By the sweat of your brow you will guide your process until you lose your job, since you were hired; for an employee you are and employment is 'at will'."

The Lord God made a Process Governance Board for the Process Owner and his Manager to give them political cover. And the Lord God said, "The Process Owner has now become like one of us, Doing Things in Other Ways. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the activity of Resourcing." So the Lord God banished him from the Department of Eden to work the unending departments. After he drove the Process Owner out, he placed on the east side of the Department of Eden administrators and a flaming bureaucrat flashing back and forth to guard the way to the activity of Resourcing.

…and so it began.


Apologies to those who are not of Judeo-Christian heritage for not using your creation story.

Apologies to those who are of Judeo-Christian heritage for butchering your creation story.

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