Ten Techniques to Appear Less Frustrated with Your Project
by Carl Pritchard, PMP, PMI-RMP, EVP
Coming back from vacation, you would think that we'd suddenly all be far more accommodating, understanding and relaxed. Strangely enough, I seem to note that the folks that I'm dealing with seem more pressured and stressed than they did before they took off on holiday. Here are ten simple suggestions on how to either be or appear less frustrated the next time someone pushes you near the edge of frustration.
- Count to ten. It's the title of the article, so you knew it had to be here. But it's also effective in buying you just a few seconds to ensure you don't say things that you really didn't intend to say.
- Think "Management by Objective." Rather than launching in on the offender's attitude, approach, or sheer idiocy, take a moment to think about where you want them to be when the conversation is done. Move ahead to that moment and identify the outcomes you're looking for, rather than the annoyance you're facing now. And then push backward and ask yourself, "Is this getting us to that objective?" If not, what can you do to point it in that direction?
- Walk away. I actually have about a half-dozen excuses to walk away. No one is going to challenge you if you duck into the bathroom. Physical needs always take precedence (just ask Maslow), and it gives you a chance to wash your face and hands and think through a more rational response. (Walking away does not include inflating the emergency ramp on an aircraft and jumping to the tarmac.)
- Let them solve it. If you're dealing with someone who is frustrating you no end, keep turning it back to them for solutions that fit your paradigm. If they can't solve it, at least they'll get as frustrated as you are.
- Change media. Some people are just more frustrating over the phone. Go see them face-to-face. Some people are just more frustrating face-to-face. Break off and call them later. Switch to e-mail! Try smoke signals! Tone and approach can matter.
- Echo. Sometimes folks don't realize just how annoying they are! They can discover it if you echo what they're saying to you, and then push them further down the road. "You should just tell the customer off," they say. "I should just tell the customer off," you say. "How would you suggest I tell the customer off? What approach should I use?" If you let them see the inanity of their suggestions, they may back off.
- Acknowledge the frustration and guide the discussion elsewhere temporarily. "You may have detected that I'm growing a little frustrated. I'd like to work on another aspect of the project for a while and come back to this so that we can make our time more productive." It's not insulting in any way, shape or form. It's acknowledging reality and taking the time to make progress in other areas, rather than wasting energy in frustration.
- Invite a third party. If you don't seem to be able to handle the discussion well, someone else might be able to enter the conversation more objectively. One of two outcomes will ensue: They can get to the heart of the problem, allowing you all to move forward, OR, they'll realize that the person on the other end of the conversation is the problem and make you feel a whole lot better about your frustrations.
- Have a moment of gratitude. You don't have to say a word, but if you can, all the better. Be thankful. Be thankful that you don't always have to deal with this individual. Be thankful for any progress that has been made. Be thankful for being free from pain. Turn Buddhist for a second, and try a version of their common prayer: "May you be happy, may you be well, may you be free from suffering." If you have those three characteristics in your life, you have a lot to be grateful for. The fact that the help desk doesn't know how to stop the blue screen of death on your computer suddenly seems a lot less consequential.
- Lower the tone. Most individuals only use the middle range (about 40%) of their vocal range. We don't tend to talk in the lower range, because it takes more air, and it's less familiar. But try it. Try saying: "I'm very concerned right now" in your normal voice and again in the lower range. It takes on a completely different tone. And it sounds like you are completely in control. And oddly enough, when you sound that way, you often move into a world where you are that way.
No one of these suggestions will work in every situation, and some of them may feel awkward or silly to some people. But as everyone returns from their summer holiday, it's important to try to keep the vacation attitude alive as long as possible, whether it be the Jimmy Buffett "Five-o'Clock Somewhere" kind of attitude or the Buddhist prayer. The longer we can keep our frustrations to a minimum, the higher the probability we'll have productive conversations while getting back into the grind.
May you be happy, may you be well, may you be free from suffering.
Carl Pritchard, PMP, PMI-RMP, EVP lives (gratefully) as the principal of Pritchard Management Associates and is a member of the Board of Directors for ProjectConnections.com. He welcomes your comments and insights at carl@carlpritchard.com
©2010, Pritchard Management Associates